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 If you're tempted to say "Don't have a service for me," this page is for you!

If your loved one left instructions to have no service, this page is also for you — see tips at the bottom.

When you're putting your affairs in order, sometimes it's tempting to dismiss the idea of a ceremony to remember and honor your life. It's easy to say, "I won't be there, so why have a funeral?"

Why, indeed?

"It doesn't matter."
"I'm not religious."
"The Funeral Director wants me to talk to their Chaplain."
"It costs money that should go to my heirs."
"No one will come."
Farewell Ceremony

"It doesn't matter."

Surprise! It does matter. Even though you won't be there, your family and friends will be left to go on without you. And they need a ceremony.

Remembrance Ceremonies help your loved ones start the journey of living without you. Gathering with others who care about you lets them state to the community that you were — and still are — important to them. (See About Grief.) BACK TO TOP

"I'm not religious."

Ceremonies don't have to be religious. They can be spiritual — but they don't have to be. They can include multiple religious or spiritual traditions — but they don't have to. They can be Humanist, agnostic, or atheist — but they don't have to. They can be "None of the Above"! The point is, they don't have to include a sermon or an altar call. For more information, see Ceremony without a Sermon.

Remembrance Ceremonies honor you in the manner you want — in ways that are meaningful to you and your family. BACK TO TOP

"The Funeral Director wants me to talk to their Chaplain."

Yes, it's true. Many Funeral Directors don't realize that most people who don't belong to an organized religion don't really want to meet with a Chaplain. And there are still Funeral Directors who haven't experienced a ceremony created by a Certified Funeral Celebrant. So please feel free to tell your Funeral Director that you want a Certified Funeral Celebrant to conduct your ceremony. And, while you're at it, please give him or her my phone number. Thanks! BACK TO TOP

"It costs money that should go to my heirs."

The ceremony itself — including planning — isn't expensive. The value received by attendees is far greater than the monetary expense.

Besides, if grief isn't addressed when it occurs, it can take longer, be more difficult, or cause problems later (For additional information, see About Grief.) A ceremony could be considered an investment in your loved ones' futures. BACK TO TOP

"No one will come."

You would be surprised at the impact you've made! People don't tend to tell us, "You've made a world of difference in my life," but they will miss you, and they would like the opportunity to gather with others who will miss you. BACK TO TOP

"Okay, then why not do it now, while I can enjoy it too?"

Great idea! A Remembrance Ceremony can also be in the form of a Farewell Gathering. You can be there — and you can have it done exactly the way you want it.

A ceremony is for the survivors. Everyone left behind deserves a ceremony when someone they care about dies. Consider it your gift to those you care about.

If your loved one specified "No service"...

• Consider that your loved one had your best interests at heart when she or he made that decision. If that person knew how important it is to have a ceremony, he or she would certainly want you to have one.

• Some people can't imagine the value of sitting in a group of caring people and talking or listening about the person who has died.

But — unlike traditional services — Remembrance Ceremonies aren't all about sitting and listening. An important piece is the Family Meeting, where we gather memories about the person who has died and make decisions about how to honor that person at the celebration. And, if individuals want, they can help create displays of photos and other memories for the ceremony. This time is both comforting and healing — an important part of the process. (See About Grief for more information.)

There are many other reasons to reconsider your loved one's decision. You may want to read this page from the top to consider some of the reasons your loved one may have had. (If you've come upon this website after it's too late to plan a regular ceremony, please see Belated Goodbye.)

Please contact me if you would like to talk over your situation. I promise I won't pressure you to have a ceremony; I'll give you the information you need to make the best decision for you and your family, and then leave the choice up to you.